I am watching a Channel 4 documentary called “Married at First Sight” wherein single people who are tired of being single for long periods of time and are looking for love, decide to marry people they have never met. Matchmaking experts match people together through biological, psychological and anthropological means. Throughout the show, the experts and candidates explain the difficulties of dating including too much choice, high expectations and other life commitments. Like newspaper articles about fertility, this show gives off a sense of panic fuel. If you are single or in a relationship of any length, the pressure to find a compatible person can strike fear into your very own soul.
I will not be specific about my own relationship in this post for the sake of privacy and relevance. What I will say is that I am happy with us and it is currently my longest relationship since I started dating. What makes me afraid the most is the uncertainty of relationships lasting. Sometimes it’s because of infidelity, sometimes it’s abuse, sometimes it’s dating for the wrong reasons, sometimes it’s a personality clash, and sometimes it’s simply growing apart. Even if everything is fine and you love each other, you can fall apart simply because your career can dictate what will happen and where you will live. The other fear is not really knowing how you know you’ve found your soul mate or “the one”. I do not know if these are real concepts or not, nor will I get into them. I do believe however in compatibility since that is based on logic. But could a person have compatibility with more than one person in any one time or throughout a lifetime? Luckily, things can become clearer as time goes by. If I wrote this article before my current relationship I would express my doubts over the existence of love in general. I used to believe that relationships were nothing more than a fusion of a need of sex, a basic foundation of friendship and a fear of dying alone. That has changed now and even if things end with the man I’m with now, at least I know it exists.
The main lesson we all need to learn is that we all need to stop putting pressure on ourselves and each other to have everything perfect at a certain time, especially our personal lives (we’re talking to you “needing to have your own biological kids before 30” articles). If we are just our relaxed, happy and social selves, we will have a better chance of finding someone. And if it takes a little longer, you’re no less of a person than those who got married at 27. (Same for those who got married younger than planned, you’re fine).
So whether you are single or with someone, do not worry about it. It will work out in the end.